Your Ceremony

 Over the past year, I have heard the same question more than once. "What goes into a wedding ceremony?" Well, there is no easy or typical answer to that; each ceremony is very individual. In spite of that, there is an outline that will provide you with a "general rule of thumb."

Opening/Greeting/Welcome

This is the beginning of your ceremony. It sets the tone for the entire ceremony; light-hearted, religious, serious, or whatever your personality styles are, they should be reflected here. This area also welcomes your guest and tells them why they are there. This section also helps to define what marriage means to you.

Charge/Meaning of Marriage

Depending on where you grew up or what religion your family followed this section was most likely called either the charge or the meaning of marriage. Traditionally, the minister will talk to the couple directly about what marriage is and why the couple should take it seriously. You don't have to be that formal or serious. You can put a reading about marriage that speaks to you here, or you can have the minister say more about what marriage is to the two of you.

Consent

The consent is a traditional area that is there to say that you are getting married by your own free will. No one is forcing you to enter into marriage. This is a nice traditional piece that we like to keep in a ceremony, since it notifies the guest that the vows are coming up quickly.

Vows

This is the part everyone is waiting for. These are the words that you will speak that actually bind you in marriage; your "contract." There are traditional and non-traditional vows, both of which are acceptable. Probably the best way to get the most out of this is to write your own. I can hear the groans from here. Most people I have worked with have said "I can't write my own vows, I am not creative." Trust me, you don't have to be creative, just speak from your heart. Tell the other person why you are marrying them, why they are special, and why you love them enough to be together for life. It doesn't have to be fancy or rhyme, just honest.

Exchanging of Rings

This section is where you exchange rings with each other. Usually this is done to a different set of vows, but it can be incorporated into your own vows, should you choose to write them. This section is usually accompanied by a short introduction of why rings are exchanged, and what your rings mean to you. Like all other areas of your wedding, the introduction should match your personality styles.

Special Ceremonies

For a lack of a better description, this is the area that we call special ceremonies. It includes things like the Sand Ceremony, Unity Candle, Wine Ceremony, Dove Release, etc. The possibilities are unlimited here. These add an extra touch to your ceremony and can create more memories. This area will allow you to put that really personal stamp on your ceremony. Of course, this area is optional, and does not have to be performed. I find that most couples enjoy using one or more ideas to make their ceremony more "them."

Blessing

This is almost the end of your ceremony. Traditionally, this is the end, but we put it before the pronouncement because having it after you are pronounced married is anti climatic. This area shares what you wish for yourselves or what you know your families wish for you through out your marriage. It blesses you with a long and happy life together.

Pronouncement of Marriage

The best part of the day, you are now married at this point. Now everyone who is attending knows it. Plus there is that very traditional first kiss as a married couple, always a nice touch.

Introduction of the New Couple

This is the final piece of the wedding ceremony. Here you are introduced as a married couple to your family and friends. This can be done formally,using first and last names, or informally, using first name only.

Religious Additions and Touches

Some couples choose to include a more religious touch to their wedding, and we will respect any religious tradition you follow. To honor that tradition, you may include prayers or readings from your religion's sacred text(s). It is your choice if you want to include these options and have your ceremony be more religiously based than spiritual.

Readings

This is one area that we have yet to discuss, in part because there is no said "place" for them in the ceremony. Most ceremonies do include various readings: religious, secular, poetry, prose, lyrics from a song...the possibilities are endless. And where they go and how they fit in is up to you. We recommend that you place them somewhere other than between the vows and the ring exchange though. By putting a reading in between these areas, you are breaking up the flow of the ceremony and risk confusing your guests.

Music

Music is commonly a part of a wedding ceremony, and we encourage you to use it in yours. It is used before and after the ceremony as a cue to guests that things are about to get started or are ending, but can be used during the ceremony also. Placing music is like placing a reading, it can go almost anywhere. The most logical place is during the special ceremony, where you and your beloved are performing actions but not necessarily speaking.

This should clear up most questions on what is included in a wedding ceremony. This listing is meant as a guideline only and should not limit your creativity or self-expression. Shall we get started then?

Personal Touches

Personal touches that are non-verbal are a great way to add even more personality to your ceremony. I just got home from a wedding for two firefighters. He is a full-time firefighter and she is a volunteer, but both are proud of the service they provide, and with good reason. At the reception, they used a hatchet to cut their cake. It was obviously purchased for this purpose, and was decorated with their wedding colors (white and red) with a fire department emblem on the handle. What a great way to incorporate who you are into your wedding day!

Be creative with the personal touches you put in both your ceremony and your reception. If you are a police officer or marrying one, decorate using fake handcuffs to show how committed you are to each other. Like playing cards together? Have your wedding all about being the perfect pair. How about if you like to golf as a couple, then your wedding can talk about how finding each other was the ultimate "hole in one" or get married on a golf course. Like fishing? Talk about how "hooked" on each other you are. If you are boaters, exit your wedding ceremony under a rainbow of oars. No matter how you include your unique personalities in your wedding day, you can't go wrong.

Winter Weddings

Ah, winter in Wisconsin; its cold, snowy, slushy, icy, blustery, and well...really cold. The weather doesn't give us much in the way of advertising the advantages of winter here, unless maybe you're into skiing, sledding, or snowmobiling. But wait! Think again, winter is the perfect time for a wedding.

OK, I know you think that we're joking, but trust me, we're not. During the winter, your friends and family are not traveling (unless they are one of the lucky few "snow birds" that can escape to a tropical paradise), bombarded by invitations to other weddings, or attending one of the endless invitations to graduations, family reunions, or pot-luck picnics. Additionally, most wedding professionals have more available dates. This means that the band you really wanted might just accept your offer, the cater that is so highly recommended might just cook for you, or that location that everyone is talking about could be yours. And, this, my friends, means that planning your wedding just became easier.

 Logical approach not working for you? How about the romance of winter? Think of sunlight dancing over the ice, the feeling of being the only two people in the world in the middle of that snow fall, and that slip on the ice that could have been embarrassing turning into a romantic kiss. Think roaring fires in the fireplace, lots and lots of candlelight, and horse drawn sleighs. Think cuddling in big, warm, soft blankets and reading romantic poetry to each other.

 Too fluffy bunny for you? Maybe think of the decorating options. Forget the traditional flowers and bells, and instead focus on huge snowflakes covered in glitter, holly centerpieces, and mistletoe hanging all over. Think lots of red, green, white, maroon, royal purple, navy blue; not all of us were colored to pull off pastel pink and lilac. Think gold and silver trim, just to give it the right jazz and polish.

In addition to that, the dates in winter are just much more romantic. The perfect Christmas gift could be your wedding, the best New Year you have ever celebrated would include saying "I do", the most wonderful Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Yule, Candle-mas, etc. would be to declare yourselves to each other. Let's not forget the most romantic day of the year: Valentine's Day. That is in winter too, and would be the perfect day to say "forever" to the love of your life.

See? Winter isn't just for donning your warm woolies, to be tolerated in front of the television. Go out, celebrate the season, and get married during one of the most romantic days of the year.

Planning Blues?

We all know that planning a wedding is fun and exciting, but no one really focuses on how stressful it really is. I mean the demands from distant relatives (I can't eat meat. Don't you have a vegetarian plate?), friends who just don't understand what it means to get married (You sure you can't go out tonight? Everyone is going to be there!), and of course the demands of tradition. Sometimes you just have to have a plan to get away from it all.

 If you haven't guessed by now, this is not about actually planning your wedding, or your ceremony, but instead on how to keep your sanity. And there are times when we all need a bit of help in that department. So here goes, my all time favorite stress busters.

• Go out. Yeah, I know I just said that going out was a thing of the past now that you are getting arried, but in truth, it isn't. So take the time, reconnect with your friends, and have some fun. If you life has been taken over by satin and tulle, it is time for a Night on the Town.
• Some time alone. My favorite way is in a bubble bath, with nice candles and a good book. But a movie, a project, or whatever is your favorite alone activity will do. Just get your mind off the wedding.
• Go out with your fiance. Yes, I know that this will tempt you into talking about the wedding, but make a rule of no wedding talk, then you'll focus on other things, reconnect, and relax together. And two people being relaxed is better than one, right?
• Exercise. Yup, I know that is a dirty word, but it does help. A short walk around the block, or grab your sweety for a romantic moonlit stroll. A few pushups in front of the TV, or if it is warm enough, a swim. No matter how you cut it, getting your muscles to work will relax your mind. Some sort of hormone thing (I admit science was never my strong point).
• Lastly, ask for help. Some of us feel that this is our wedding and we have to plan out every detail and handle every emergency ourselves. Let's face it this is the surest way to end up a screaming meanie by the time your wedding day arrives. Asking nicely for bit of help will keep your friends and family on the same page, and will reduce your stress. And it creates bonding. Already asking for help and not getting it? Go to the people you hired for your day. They are there to help you make your day perfect, and usually don't mind pitching in. And they might have some great advice to make your life much easier.

So, there you have it. Now take a moment and relax. The wedding plans will still be there tomorrow; they aren't going anywhere.

A Public Romance

Ever wonder how it feels to have a love so big you have to share it with the world? Last year, that is what happened with Jamie and Jake B. Just two people in love, living in that happy bubble, but they just couldn't keep it to themselves. They had to share it with everyone on the North side of Stevens Point. Every time I see these pictures I just sigh and think how romantic.

 Jamie is the one who works at our North side McDonald's, and in order to have his proposal put out there, Jake had to enlist the help of her boss, Kelly G. He confidently posted his request for her hand, and of course she said yes. Who could say no to something like that?

 Well, wedding plans followed, and Jamie called me and we met. When she told me which wedding this was going to be, I was excited. It isn't often that we get asked to perform a well know wedding like this one. We emailed and planned and wrote....and on October 4, 2008, they were joined in marriage.

Did they stop announcing to the world how happy they were with "she said yes"? No way! They announced their wedding day and even included that famous proposal in the gifts they gave to the guests. The little boxes were topped with the stickers (bottom right).

So I guess we all need to ask Jamie and Jake: How does it feel to have a love so big you have to share it with the world? I bet it feels great.

Picture Time

I think I am about to make every professional photographer's day.

 This year, more than any year in the past, we have had couples ask about how long should they allow between the ceremony and the reception for pictures. I always answer "Lots!" Remember, this is your special day, so you will want a ton of pictures to remember it by. Additionally, this is one of the few times in your life that most of your family and friends will be gathered together in one place with a photographer, so take advantage of it. Plan plenty of time into your day for posed and candid shots.

 We do suggest, and I am sure that the photographer will agree, that you make a list of the guests that will be attending whom you want picutres with ahead of time. This way, your photographer can plan out the logical order to take the shots, and have a list ready to avoid missing out on that once in a lifetime opportunity. By giving your photographer a "heads up" you will also avoid wasting the precious time between the ceremony and the reception with deciding who to include and who to leave out.

 When making that list for the photographer, let the guests know that you want them in the pictures too. The obvious ones, like your mom and dad, you probably do not need to tell, but some you will. By letting the guests know ahead of time, you will again avoid waisting time trying to find everyone and gather them together; they will already know.

 So, now that you have your list, your photographer has the list, and your guests already know what is happening, let your photographer go crazy at what they do best. You will find that you will enjoy your pictures more this way, and your wedding day will be much less stressful.

Entertaining Children

Most weddings are family events and include....well...families. That means kids running around, playing games with balloons, and spinning around the dance floor. Most of the time, kids have great imaginations and are self-entertaining. But, let's face it, the ceremony and waiting for dinner are rough on kids, and most kids consider them boring. So what can you do to make this easier on the wee ones attending your special day?

Well, the answer is to find quiet activities to keep the occupied so that you have a peaceful, romantic ceremony and the wait for dinner is not endless for them. One of our couples showed us a great solution for the ceremony (she is a school teacher) and made activity books for the kids that was all about their wedding day. Using free clip art (found all over the Internet), they put together coloring pages, search-a-word pages, and cross word puzzles, all themed around their wedding day. They plan on handing them out with crayons when the adults get the programs for the ceremony. This is sure to keep the kids occupied for the time that their ceremony runs.

 In addition to that, you can arrange or hire someone to play acceptable games with the kids while the adults catch up and pictures are being taken. Some suggestions are toss the ball in a bucket, Red Rover, Simon Says, and Duck, Duck, Goose. Use your imagination and make these games wedding themed if you would like. If you are stumped for someone to help out, turn to your family. Odds are that you will have some teenager that would like to earn a bit of extra cash and would love to help out with all the children attending your special day.

 I want to put a special thanks to Gretchen and Spencer for sharing their ideas and what they did for their wedding day. This idea wouldn't have happened without them.